Disclaimer: Yeah, I stole the song from the Sea and Cake..I don't own it, nor do I own Weezer, so please don't sue me or anything. I ONLY DO IT BECAUSE I HEART THEM! I basically just make up everything in this story. I'm sure Brian didn't have a lisp... or maybe he did. Anyway, none of this is true. I don't know Weezer I just wish I did. Darn.

Author's note: I am a posting virgin to this site, it's my first fic. PLEASE don't be too harsh!

The bus was cold, and by the time we arrived at the hotel, I had become unrecognizable due to the many layers of clothing on my body. It was one of the things I hadn't gotten used to on the road. Some people were homesick, and I was cold. The skin on my hands was beginning to turn red and splotchy, resembling one of the Science experiments I was forced to do in middle school on a cat, and I ran quickly to the doors of the hotel.

"Slow down there," A voice from behind me said.

"Um hi,"

"Why are you hurrying, we've got plenty of time here. Two night stint," He chuckled patting his bag. Brian had a funny way of curving his lips into perfection when he talked. He said, he had a lisp as a child, and had to practice with a speech therepist, so he takes time to form the words he wants to say, but either way, they sounded delicate and I couldn't help but study the off-pink flesh as he spoke.

"I'm cold,"

"You look cold,"

My pace quickened, and soon the warmth from the hotel lobby had enveloped my body. It wasn't the nicest hotel, we'd ever stayed in but, it was short notice. We had been driving all day, and figured if we wanted to make it to the next city on time, we'd have to drive into the night. Brian complained of course, and Scott said something about how sleeping on busses was the way to be. Either way, Pat didn't care, he was going to annoy us if we stayed in the bus or in a hotel. After ten though, everyone was starting to feel the effects of being cooped up on a bus, that reaked of old pizza, and dirty laundry, and so on the last exit before the McDonalds, we stopped at a Motel 6.

"You guys might as well take a seat, it will be a few minutes," A man working at the front desk said.

"Free continental breakfast starting at six? I'm there!" Pat responded after reading the sign on the wall.

Soon everything was a blur, the talking, the arrangements, the laughter. I stopped listening to the crude jokes, and stupid antics of the guys. I stopped listening three years ago, and I didn't think I was going to start again, anytime soon.

"Rivers, Rivers...we're rooming together," Brian was shaking my shoulder fiercely now, and I brought a hand up to stop him.

D"What why? Can't we find another hotel?" I protested.

The fact that I was sharing a hotel room with Brian didn't bother me, it was the whole being in the bed over, listening to him breathing at night, hearing him in the shower in the morning, seeing him half naked, talking to him when he wanted to talk, having to deal with my emotions and not take out my sexual frustration on him. I hadn't had sex in a while, and it wasn't because I couldn't get someone to have sex with...it was that, I wanted Brian, more than anything. If I couldn't have him, I didn't want anyone, and I know if I gave in to someone else, my depression would strike worse then before. Possibly worse than knowing Brian was making love all the time, to different people...and didn't notice me. He didn't notice, didn't look, didn't EVEN glance up when I was biting my cheek, trying to force myself to think of anything besides Brian's naked body on mine. Didn't notice when my lips quivered, as thoughts of his soft tongue probing at the soft spots right below my belly-button entered my shaken brain. And he didn't notice, when I cried and whimpered quietly on the bus, with him sleeping on the couch across from me. Maybe it was his choice to not notice and that's why having him in the bed across from me, was the most painful heart wrenching thought.

"Rivers, deal. Unless you want to drive for another two hours on a COLD bus. I'm not enthoused either, but it's what we've got, so just DEAL." Brian's words stung my ears. "I'm not enthoused either", what the hell did that mean?

I climbed the stairs in silence, the large suitcase thumping with each step. Brian jammed the key in the door, and immidiately claimed his bed.

"I want to be next to the TV!" He yelled.

"I don't care,"

"I think I'm going to go check out the pool, wanna come with me?" He asked, staring at a mirror over the sink.

"Yeah, why not,"

The pool wasn't amazing either. It looked dirty and abused, kind of like the way I felt around Brian.

"It's a pool. Who cares? Let's go swimming!" I didn't really feel up to swimming, especially in that pool, but I wasn't going to deny Brian's wish, and in fifteen minutes, I was sitting at the edge as Brian slid himself carefully in. I had never really noticed how nicely shaped his abs were, or how beautiful he looked emerged in water, his hair teasing his shoulders.

I sat holding my arms around my chest, embarressed at feeling so....naked in front of him. My feet dragged along the top a few times, as I explained to Brian I was testing the temperature.

"You've tested it enough, just come in!"

"In a second," I was delaying the inevitable. Of course Brian wouldn't stand for that.

Next my legs went in. The water didn't feel right against my skin, like an unwelcome stranger, and I frowned.

Without hesitation, Brian swam up and posistioned himself between my legs.

"Commmmeee nnooowwww,"

Oh Brian, if only you knew.

"It's cold,"

"You pussy," And then I was in the water, Brian's hand pulling me down.

I came up spatting, clinging to the air as if I had just been thrown down into the depths of the ocean. So my actions were exaggeration, but I didn't like water, and I didn't like being half naked in front of the guy who occupied my nightly love making sessions to my hand.

"You're such an ass Brian," I managed to say.

"You're such an ass Brian," he mocked.

He began swimming towards the shallow end, his body straight, head hidden beneath the water. He arched his back, arms pumping fierely, legs kicking as quickly as possible, then turned around and swam towards the deep end, where I sat, arms resting in the corner of the tiles.

When he came up, he was inches away from my face, his breath un-even and shaky. His soft brown hair was dark and mattted to his forehead and with all the strength left in me, I resisted the urge to push the strands away.

"Oh sorry, couldn't really see where I was going!" He laughed, still not moving.

I was uncomfortable in as many places as one overwhelmed with lust can be. My heart pounded loudly, and I knew that if I didn't settle down it would burst. Would Brian care? Would he notice that, or would he choose not to? His leg brushed softly against mine, as he pulled himself out of the pool, dripping wet, and tired. I felt myself harden at the brief touch.

"I'm going into the hot tub, if you wanna join me you can."

I can't join you. I can't join you. I can't join you. I can't join you.

I waited until my breath evened out, and for my lower half to settle down, before climbing out also.

His eyes were closed, when I settled in, his head gently lolling about like a tiny infant. The expression that crossed his face was priceless. It was the appearance of a child breaking the rules, of a man having great sex, and of my grandfather when he died, my grandma rocking him gently in her arms. His face was the metaphor of life and death and everything that was good and bad in between.

"I'm lonely," He said at last.

"Why?"

"I am. Aren't you?"

"Yes,"

"I just want to scream, and fuck, and cry, and scream again." I watched his eyes, creschendo into life, and die again as his voice faded to a whisper. "What do you want?"

I want to scream at you, and fuck you, and cry, and scream at you again.

"I just wish I wasn't confused. I wish I could get the things I want, and have them be enjoyable. I don't wanna be on this God damn, half ass tour, and I don't want to be staying in this fucking hotel."

Brian stifled a laugh.

"What are the things you want?"

You Brian.

"To not be alone tonight, that's all I want right now." I wanted to force my brain to shut off, I wanted to punch and scream and kick, and abuse myself for those words. I wanted to abuse Brian.

And then, his foot was probing into my leg, it began to climb slowly and rested against my thigh. The intake of my breath was slowly decreasing, as I looked up and saw Brian grinning cheekily at my uncomfortable state. His eyes burned into my skin, and I focussed my attention at where his foot rested, massaging the inner thigh now, testing the boundaries, to see if I would stop him.

"Oh fuck," I whispered.

And then he left. He got up, he climbed out, he grabbed a towel, and he left. A groan escaped my lips, and by the dab of laughter in his voice as he said goodbye, I could tell he heard.